Lookout Janet

Continuing with another picture of something found,here's this page from somebody's day planner. Janet really needs to watch out.  I transcribed it below.

                                                                                                                  May 31, 2016

Daily Quote:

     "Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself." Elbert Hubbard

Daily Agenda:

     10:15   Wake up
     10:20   Breakfast
     10:50   Prepare for the day
     11:30   Annihilate some motherfuckers
     12:30   Lunch
     1:00    Take Fluffy to the vet
     2:30     Buy bunny treats
     3:00     Fuck up Janet's campaign for Junior League Treasurer
     5:00    Supper
     6:00    Ablution
     7:30 ->Free Time

heidi
transcribed 6/20/16

A little planner piece for you. (oh, see what I did?) And I think that there may be a new installment of Pretty Planner Gotterdamerung coming to a YouTube channel in your local viewing area! 

Found Diary

So I found this diary recently. I thought it was pretty interesting. Maybe this person should take a nap.  The text is transcribed below without edits.

                                                                                                         3/29/16 [cut off in photo]

Dear Fucking Diary,

    The world is so mean. Here I am, trying to do everyone a favor, and they dump on me. And I don't know why? I mean, I know all the greatest words, right? The best words. The best fucking words EVER and all they do is mock me. And it shouldn't matter, it really shouldn't matter what mean people or the liberal-biased media says, after all, I have a young and beautiful piece of ass, but still. It hurts. It hurts way bad. I promise to build a great wall- because nobody builds walls better than me, believe me- that is inexpensive AND paid for by Mexico- and do they appreciate it? NOOOOOOOO! I try to tell them about my "extremely credible source that can prove that birth certificate is fake-and they ignore me. This is why politics is such a disgrace- why good people don't go into government. Because of the bullies and meanyfaces who don't recognize my awesomamilitude!
     You think they never watched TV before. Like they don't know who I AM. And you know all of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me-consciously or unconsciously (so expected) and still all people want to do is drag me down.
     Pigs.
     Filthy pigs.
     And it is sooooo not TRUE.
     LOOK HERE
     [see picture above of drawing of hand]

     My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.

     Just watch. They'll beg me. Please be our boss. We neeed you so much to make America unsuck. And I'll just be like NOPE!!! 


     Sorry America. Sorry uneducated people. It's okay. My IQ is one of the highest-and you all know it! Please don't feel stupid or insecure; it's not your fault.
     But you won't let me be president. So I'm not gonna play with you ANYMORE AMERICA!

     Sorry, there is no STAR on the stage tonight.



heidi
transcribed 6/11/16

I wonder what else I can find laying around Alabama? 

Ask Gradual Grampy Watching an Alabama Football Game

Dear Gradual Grampy Watching an Alabama Football Game,

I am at my wit's end!  I have been dating a woman, and I think that she's "the one." She is beautiful, smart, funny, successful and we rock in bed. The problem is that I hate her dog. She has one of those little rat-dogs that is always underfoot and constantly growls at me. She has to put it out of the bedroom and shut the door when we want to be alone. How soon after I pop the question can I tell her the dog has got to go? I have even considered taking the dog out one day and "losing" it on the side of the road, but, with my luck it would find it's way home.

sign me,
I Hate That Bitch



Dear I Hate That Bitch, 

You do have a problem, go. You have a wonderful woman with a pesky dog, go baby! I am left wondering a few things, What! Is He Blind?!!! You have listed many positive qualities about, "the one" but, Roll Tide,  you haven't clarified GO BABY GO! GO BABY! GO BABY GO! GO...ROLL TIDE! TOUCHDOWN ALABAMA!  ROOOLLL TIDE ROLL!

sincerely, 
Gradual Grampy Watching an Alabama Football Game


heidi
written 8/19/14 at 4 fucking 30 in the morning

I don't like being up this early, but I'm all writey now and I can't sleep. I will do some catch up posting about what's been going on later, although some of it you probably already know. This has been one hell of a summer. No wonder that I wanted to write something to amuse myself. I may be the only one who thinks this is even halfway funny, but I was inspired by some comments I read on reddit by /u/Gradual_Swede. I thought that I wanted to do something similar, but with the way my Grampy used to act when he watched Alabama Football. And so I also borrowed the advice column format from The Onion. If you want to ask GGWAAFG, please feel free to send it end. I'm sure he has an answer for you.