Wednesday, March 13, 2013

dVerse OLN: Repost of Groceries

  (the ride home)

Alright sweet boy,
let's get you in your seat.
No, in your seat.
Sit down,
Sit down,
Sit down.
There's a good boy.
I know, I know, Mommy's being mean.
Okay sweetie, your brother's in.
Let's get you in the truck.
Here, help me lift you out of the cart.
Now stand, okay, put your foot there-
no there, there! sweetie.
Now whose heinie is this in my face?
Let's get you in the truck. Watch your head!
Oh! I'm sorry sweetheart, are you okay? I'll kiss it.
There's a girl.
Okay , who wants juice boxes? Yay juice boxes!
Here you go sweetie. Here you go sweetheart.
Okay- the buggy is corralled.
Damn it's hot.
Let's start this up and turn on the AC.
Phew! That's better.
Y'all ready to go home and eat some lunch?
Oh Shit!
Did I turn off the tea?
Is the stove on?
Oh shit the stove's on!
Damn red light.
What if it's boiled down?
How long were we in the store?
What if the house caught fire?
What if I have burned down the neighborhood?
I just bought all those Courage cartoons on iTunes!
Shit! the computer! Shit! The Dog!
Please dont' be on fire.
Aw come on! Another light?!
Please don't be on fire.
Sweetie, who taught you the diarrhea song?
My house is on fire and my little girl is singing about runny bowels.
When you're sliding into first and you feel a juicy burst...
Okay-good-i don't see any smoke.
Here's the neighborhood...still standing.
Here's our house.
No fire in sight.
Stay here kids, Mommy will be right back.
No smoke in the house, but the stove is on.
Now it's off, (big sigh).
Oh damn, I bet that tea is ruined.

written 8/28/11
submitted dVerse OLN 3/13/13

I was really excited about Claudia's post introducing the OLN, and I was just going to read and comment and not post. The pieces I have written lately have been in response to specific prompts and I didn't have any ideas for something to write for it. Then I started looking at older posts here and decided to repost this piece. It was one of the first pieces written for this blog, and I think it's funny. It hasn't really been read, though, and I thought I would use this opportunity to reintroduce it. (I was actually torn between this and Thank You.) It also has a second part, Groceries II. I think that this is pretty representational of my poetry, especially the more comedic things.


  1. Distractions... Just too many of them...!

    1. I know Stan! How am I supposed to stay on top of everything? ;)

  2. haha....this is a day in the life for sure....i dont like going to the grocery...i get lost...smiles....and the interactions with the kids, ha...been there for sure...smiles.

    1. My husband hates grocery shopping. When I wrote this a little over a year ago he would sometimes go an take the sweeties with him. My daughter was fascinated still with her baby brother (he was a little over one) and I was trying to teach her appropriate words for body parts. She would wait until they were checking out and she would say it's not a boo-boo (mawmaw's word) Daddy, it's a penis! It's not a walrus(I have no idea where she got that), it's a vulva! I stole that for the other part of this poem.

    2. oh my
      kids are

  3. Goodness..ha..ha...I always have nightmares of leaving something plugged or still cooking in the house. Groceries when my kids were smaller was fun, now no one wants to come with me~

    1. This was, sadly, almost verbatim how this happened. I was a wreck when I got home. My son still likes to come with me and sing while we shop. It is a lot of fun.

  4. I love the narrator speaking to the children. It seems maybe the speaker is suffering from a bit of OCD, lol, which I can relate to. Nice one, Heidi.


    1. Thanks Pamela. I was suffering from something that day...even if it was just a bad case of the burnt teas.

  5. Enjoyed this. (See? I changed up from my last comment of "loved this.")

    And I laughed. Mainly because I would so be worried about the computer first.

    1. Hey Bone! I will accept enjoyed this as well (it kind of reminds me of when I was little and we would visit my grandparents and my cousins, after every meal, my cousins automatically said "thanks granny, i enjoyed it." except that it sounded like "thanksijoyedit".)

      I'm glad that you liked it. This is based on a true story, before iTunes would cloud videos, and I spent too much on those cartoons.


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