Eligibility

the results
and with a handful of numbers
the hope I didn't know I still had
implodes.

hope
the eternal motherfucker
that makes it easy for me
to reject her reality

"don't focus too much on the numbers"
so she can still catch up?
"well, you really don't see huge leaps, but she can make some gains"
all hope hears is: sure she can catch up

we talk about how constant seizures
can cause brain damage
and we need to work on building
new pathways

I never let myself consider that the seizures were causing damage.

her teacher emphasizes how wonderful she is
just as she is
and she is
wonderful.

And I don't give one flying fuck
I want her where she should have been
if only
I had been better and took her to the neurologist sooner.

at the eligibility meeting today
I learned that my daughter is average
when it comes to reading comprehension
and below average on everything else

except being a wonderful person-there she is above average


heidi
written 11/12/14

no comment tonight