Showing posts with label Nerd Alert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nerd Alert. Show all posts

Sunday, May 4, 2014

May the Fourth Be With You



http://www.quickmeme.com/Han-Solo-come-at-me/



Han Solo you could always make my Kessel Run, even in only 12 parsecs.

heidi
written 5/4/14 for Star Wars Day

Okay...so it's naughty and it objectifies Harrison Ford and it's probably not the best thing I've ever written. But it makes me laugh. Plus if Harrison Ford is reading *swoons* I apologize and will be happy to show you how sorry I am! :)

Saturday, December 28, 2013

I Love You Carl Kolchack


I Love You Carl Kolchack

Although, as a child
I was afraid of scary
monsters and other
night creatures I really loved
me some fucking Nightstalker.

heidi
written 4/11/13
5-7-5-7-7

tanka

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Three: The Real Reason Why You Are Not Supposed to Hang Your Laundry Out at Night

The Real Reason Why You Are Not Supposed to Hang Your Laundry Out at Night

Anne sings Dancing in the Moonlight
the clothes flap wetly on the line.
A warm moon, laundry hung at night

Anne sings Dancing in the Moonlight
Wolf's howl, low growl, change in a bite.
Sheets wait, too late, on her he'll dine.

Anne sings Dancing in the Moonlight
the clothes flap wetly on the line.

heidi
written 4/23/13 for 

Today's prompt was to write a Triolet. You may remember that I recently tried this form after reading the lovely A Grey Triolet by Mary Bach. I think I may come a little closer to the meter requirement this time, but we know that I don't stress over meter anymore.

The idea for this poem came to me while I was hanging out sheets at midnight last summer. I was trying to catch up on housework while my sweeties were asleep. The moon was full and I started singing Anne Murray's Dancing in the Moonlight. It occurred to me that the scene would make a great short story about a werewolf. The prose hasn't happened yet, but now I have a cool Triolet.




Sunday, April 21, 2013

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-One: Some Other Lines For the Fortune Cookies

Some Other Lines For the Fortune Cookies

Today is Crystal's birthday. Sing to her.

You should really have that thing on your arm looked at.

You are correct: Samuel L. Jackson is the coolest man on the planet.

That haircut you've been thinking about, do it.

In a fight between Batman and Superman, Wonder Woman wins.

That app you are thinking about downloading only needs 100 more downloads before it destroys the Earth.

Eat enough chocolate and discover the meaning of life.

The book you are writing will become Stephen King's favorite.

A cloud's silver lining usually means rain.

Even the smallest dog poops. So why do you have that thing in your purse?

Next time you're shopping in the Target, be sure to say hi.

Some things should never be remade. How did the new Nightstalker last more than one episode?

Your wife will meet you at the door with only a smile and a subpoena.

Next new craze: meat flavored smoothies.

Remember that your garbage service will be delayed a day due to the holiday.

Four words: Hello Kitty Duct Tape.

Seriously that thing on your arm is gross get it looked at now.

lasagna is brain food. Consume daily.

heidi

written for 

So first, a big blushing thank you to NaPoWriMo for the feature today. Yesterday's poem Rotomontade was featured and The Fight  was mentioned. So, if  you are visiting from that link, welcome! I hope you enjoy your time here. Today's prompt was to re-write Frank O'Hara's poem Lines For the Fortune Cookies. It was fun, but this isn't as funny as I wanted it to be. I find that when I try to write something funny, it falls kind of flat. Although, no kidding, get that thing looked at and possibly cut off and sent to the lab.

Happy Birthday Crystal!




Friday, April 19, 2013

NaPoWriMo Day Nineteen: Personal Ad for The Doctor

Personal Ad for The Doctor

Wanted: Traveling Companion.
Must be witty, intelligent, brave,
and accepting of diverse cultures.
Ability to think quickly in tricky situations a plus.
Must be able to flee for life if necessary,
and withhold the necessity of blinking on command.
Looking for a long-term committment, as I
am tired of goodbyes.
I am particularly fond of sassy women
and tin dogs.

Interested parties should send inquiry to
The Doctor
c/o the Blue Police Box outside your door.

heidi

written 4/19/13 for


Today's prompt was to write a personal ad. I hope I haven't offended any Time Lords or their fans.

reposted this poem 11/23/13 in celebration of The Doctor's birthday with this audio attached.


Sunday, April 14, 2013

NaPoWriMo Day Fourteen: A Horrible Sing-Along Triolet

A Horrible Sing-Along Triolet

My Ph.D. is in Horribleness.
Penny is my one true love.
Captain Hammer I will soon best.

My Ph.D. is in Horribleness.
I will meet Bad Horse's test.
Dr. Horrible will rise above.


My Ph.D. is in Horribleness.
Penny is my one true love.

heidi
written 4/14/13 for 

Today's prompt was to write a persona poem from the point of view from a superhero or supervillain  I wanted to write one from Wonder Woman's point-of -view, but the old theme song kept running through my head. So I chose supervillain, Dr. Horrible, from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. And I wrote another sort-of triolet. Thanks for visiting.



Friday, April 5, 2013

NaPoWriMo Day Five: Five Cinquains for a Cinquain


Five Cinquains for a Cinquain

Is it
possible to
become addicted to
poetry form, compulsively
writing

The same
style over and
over like consuming
the same meal everyday and not
tiring?

Precious
cinquain now holds
premier space in my heart
and page, as over and over
I write

More words
in five lines of
2-4-6-8-2 so
many mundane topics that I
covered.

I need
intervention.
Maybe a new form will
turn my head? I think not any
time soon.

heidi
written 4/5/13 for 

Okay, so one long poem that is five cinquains, but, in all fairness, today's prompt was to write a cinquain! Yay! And it is also my sweetie-pie's birthday...Happy Birthday Aoife!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

NaPoWriMo Day Three: You Are Always on My Netflix

You Are Always on My Netflix

Fighting
was never so
kick ass and fun until
Xena yelled a war cry to save
us all.

heidi
written at the very end of the day 4/3/13 for 

I told you that you'd see a lot of cinquains.

Friday, March 15, 2013

3WW Submission: Cinquain for a Hologram

Cinquain for a Hologram

Careful
Rimmer, that  "H"
isn't for hug. Mistake
that drive plate for fixed and your a
smeghead.

heidi
written 3/15/13 for 3WW
This week's words: Careful, Hug, Mistake
Someone stop me before I retell again!. I have been on a cinquain kick, and a retelling other stories kick, and here I've done both.  I have noticed that it seems to help me keep writing and not burn out. Maybe I should limit myself to only one retelling a week at the most. Maybe I should also cut down on the Netflix (although maybe it's too late for that.) Finally, for those of you who don't recognize it, this is about Arnold Rimmer, BSC, SSC of the Jupiter Mining Corp. Ship, Red Dwarf. If you have never seen Red Dwarf, go watch it now, and you're welcome!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

dVerse Submission: Regina, A Fish Tale

Regina, A Fish Tale



A shark swims quiet down in the deep,
A pretty girl swims at night.
The island is already asleep.
Unaware of a great big fright.



The shark is hungry,
He’s hungry for food
And he’s hunting off of Amity
The beaches stay open, now Pippet is gone
And…little Alex, he eats.


Beware the Great White shark!
Beware the Great White shark!
He’ll drag you down and eat you up.
Beware of the Great White shark!
Hey! We need expert help!
Beware the Great White shark!


First came Hooper from the Institute
Who supported a holiday ban.
Beaches stayed open another day
The Great ate another man.  



They hired Quint, at a handsome fee,
That drunk and crazy old goat.
At sea the shark attacks “You’re gonna
need a bigger boat”


Beware the Great White shark!
Beware the Great White shark!
He’ll drag you down and eat you up.
Beware of the Great White shark!
Shit! I’m gonna have bad dreams!
Beware the Great White shark!


I really love some Queen
I thought that this’d be fun
The music’s stuck in my head
I’m thinking this wasn’t that smart


There are plenty of ways you can kill a shark
And answer islanders’ calls
You can lick him
You can kick him
You can stick him with the poisonous
Chemicals
But in the end, Martin he blew him up
With a bullet and compressed air.
Just when you thought it was safe to go
Back, “Jaws 2”,  no wait, that’s not fair.


Beware the Great White shark!
Beware the Great White shark!
He’ll drag you down and eat you up.
Beware of the Great White shark!
Fuck! I’ll never swim again.
Beware the Great White shark!
heidi
 written 3/9/13 for dVerse Poetics: Interactions (Click to visit dVerse)








Brian and Gretchen co-tended tonight and gave us some cool prompts, which I kind of took liberties with.
Brian's prompt was to get a list of words MadLib style and work them into a poem. My husband provided me with these words shark, man, swim, is, are, pretty, handsome, smart, food, music. I love MadLibs, and I love sharks, and I thought that I should retell Steven Spielberg's movie Jaws (although maybe let the shark win this time...I always root for the shark.)
Gretchen's prompt was to think about music that has inspired you and  that moment when it first happened or listen to it again with a new mindset and see what happens.  Hopefully, y'all recognized Another One Bites the Dust (click for lyrics and a video. Lyrics and music written by John Deacon.)by Queen. My first memory of this song was when I was around 11 or 12 and my friend told me that if you played it backwards, you could hear them sing "I love to smoke marijuana." So, of course, I was never going to listen to Queen again. That's the nice thing about growing up...you can laugh at those silly childhood thoughts...never listen to Queen again? Let's try not needing oxygen first. Gretchen, this is what happens when you ask me to think about music that inspires me.

So you see what happened. I wrote a parody combining Jaws and Another One Bites the Dust. (Yes, Weird Al has had an unusually strong influence on me.) 
I also have no musical ability whatsoever. I hope that one day Freddie will forgive me.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Mag 157 Submission: The Trouble with Tribbles



Venus de Milo with Drawers, 1936, Salvador Dali
 
 
 


The Trouble with Tribbles

...is that they get into everything.


heidi
written: 2/24/13 for The Mag 157


Yeah, it's cheap and I went there, but it was honestly the first thing that popped into my head. (More Tribbles here!) Happy Sunday morning y'all! The submission are really good this week. Head over and read some!

Mag 156 Prompt: Bubbles Popping

Wind of History by Jacek Yerka
The Mag 156 (I missed the Linky)

**I am linking this to the dVerse Poetics prompt for 4/13/13. It's a short story rather than a poem, but I worked like crazy on this and it got no love. If you are visiting through dVerse and would rather read a poem about monsters, please click Nightmares.**

I usually save my comments for the end of my posts, but there are some things I wanted to tell you before you read this. I am using a writing prompt from Magpie Tales (The Mag 156). We are to write about this really cool picture.  I am a huge fan of those old radio programs, and this picture reminded me of an episode of Lights Out called The Dark. I decided that I wanted to write a version of  The Dark for this prompt. An extra warning though, this is a gross story. If you would like to listen to the original, you can find a streaming source by clicking this link Lights Out: The Dark (This link will take you to the Old Time Radio Internet Archive. The episode I am using is #19 on the play list.*)


Bubbles Popping

Finally, there was some sign of human life. Dorothy and Nora had been driving the deserted countryside lost for hours. They had made a lovely picnic on the shore, but had missed a turn somewhere on the way home.  As twilight began to settle around them, Dorothy saw tire tracks off the side of the road. Up a hill, she saw the house.

"Nora, turn right here."

Nora turned the car and they were jostled by the bumpy hill.

"Slow down Nora!"

"I thought you liked bumpy rides," Nora said, but she complied and eased the car over the hills and the holes of the yard up to the house.

"I really have to go to the bathroom." It was true, Dorothy really did have to pee and she hated going outside. She hoped that the house would have someone friendly and some sort of facilities.  Almost before Nora had stopped the car Dorothy had jumped out and hurried to the door.

"You can stop dancing, I'm sure they will let you in." Nora joined Dorothy at the door and was adjusting her hat. Dorothy knocked on the door and it opened a bit. She stuck her head inside and choked on the damp smell of decay.

"Hello?" Nora called out from behind her. She pushed the door open further and then wrapped her arm around Dorothy and guided her in. "Is anyone here? We're lost and my friend here needs to use your powder room."

There were no lights on inside the house, only the dim light that streamed in from the windows.  "It smells like a barrel of rotten apples in here." Dorothy looked over at Nora and saw her crinkling her nose. Dorothy stopped choking and her eyes adjusted to the gloom. Past Nora, she saw the old woman staring at them from the corner.

"Nora..." Dorothy nodded her head towards the old woman. Nora looked over and saw her.

"Oh, I am sorry. I have forgotten my manners, but you see, we have been driving a long time and we are lost and tired. My name is Nora, and this is my friend Dorothy. I hope you don't mind, but the door was open..."

The old woman just stared at them. Her chin was almost touching her chest and she was looking up at them. She clutched a dirty rag doll to her breast and she her mouth was moving slightly like she was muttering, but there was no noise.

"Nora, let's just go." Dorothy no longer had to go to the bathroom, and if the urge came back she would gladly pee on the side of the road in front of God and everybody, but she suddenly needed to leave this house.

"Are you ill?" Nora let go of Dorothy and started to walk towards the old woman. "Do you need some help?"

"Nora, I think she's okay like she is, please, I think we need to just leave."

Nora reached out and touched the old woman's hand, "Can I..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The old woman leaned up and was screaming in Nora's face. Nora stumbled back and fell on a small table breaking it, as the woman shoved her and ran out of the room laughing a high, shrieking laughter.

Dorothy ran over to Nora and tried to help her up. "Oh Nora, are you okay? Please let's go now."

"Okay, I ...oh! ouch!" Nora could not stand up. Glistening, dark blood ran through her torn stocking and down her leg. Dorothy removed he scarf and dabbed at the blood. There was a long cut down Nora's leg with a large splinter of wood embedded in her calf.

"Nora, you're hurt and I can't stay here, Nora. I'm going to wrap this up and  carry you to the car and then we are leaving. When we are away from here, I will stop and get that wood out, but we are leaving first." As she talked, Dorothy wrapped the leg in her scarf. She tied it tight and a door opened near them.

A soft, frail light fell into the room. There was the old woman again, watching, holding a candle. Behind her there was a wet smooshing sound and a muffled moaning.

"This crazy old crone is going to kill us," Dorothy muttered as she locked her gaze with the old woman. Then the old woman stepped to the side, and Dorothy saw what  was on the floor next to the door.  Her brain could not make sense of what she saw. It was man-shaped, but it was a mushy, bloody, undulating mess. The darkness of the house seemed to swirl behind him. There were what looked like pockets of meat on the floor next to him, attached by slimy stands.

"Oh, those as his insides. He's been turned inside out. How..." Dorothy peed. She never noticed. She was crying and never noticed. Nora was yelling at her, and she never noticed. She just saw him as he began to make sense. She stood there staring at this man as a long, bloody limb reached out to her. It was his hand. He gurgled and then died.

That's when she heard the laughter. Dorothy looked at the old woman. She was looking down at the mess that had once been a man, holding the doll towards him, and laughing. The laughter turned to screaming and then laughing again. The swirling darkness seemed to move from him to her. It whirled around her hand holding the doll. It crept up her arm. Screaming now, she shook her arm and tried to move. The darkness wrapped around her greedily.  Dorothy saw her hold the doll close to her and then the old woman was turned inside out. It sounded like someone slurping the last bits of an egg creme from a glass. 

She felt a sharp pain and her head swiveled to the right.

"Get out of here!" Nora was standing on one leg yelling in her face. Dorothy wrapped her arm around Nora's side and started to move towards the door. She felt a chill around her ankles and she tried to run. The feeling was sticky like taffy and cold like ice. It pulsed up her body and she was suddenly face to face with Nora. They were bound tightly together by the sticky cold. They no longer look like two separate people.

A sound echos through the house, a wet, slurping sound. It does sound very much like the remnants of an egg creme resisting the suction of the straw. The slurping is wet and somewhat drowned out by the sounds of two women in pain. Then there is one soft, moist thump. It is a sound similar to dropping raw ground beef, reserved for this evening's supper, on the hard, cold floor.  Finally, there is a muffled whimper and a muffled sob, and the sound of blood bubbles popping.

There were no signs of human life.



heidi
completed (maybe) 2/24/13




*(If you are a Bill Cosby fan, you may have heard his routine about being scared of a radio program where a chicken heart terrorizes the world. This is the same series, just a different episode. For the Cosby fans, Chicken Heart is #9, and here is a youtube audio of Cosby's routine.)


Does anyone else find editing hard online? I think I need to start printing these out to do my edits. Maybe it's my age...




Tuesday, February 12, 2013

dVerse OpenLinkNight Submission: A Brief Conversation Between Two Social Workers

A Brief Conversation Between Two Social Workers

It was one of those days when Anna was wondering why she had decided to become a social worker.  Although, if she were honest with herself, she would have to admit that this problem was not only a social work problem. She also realized that she had hired Kim because Kim was thoughtful and took the Core Values seriously. However, Kim thought too much before acting. They had even addressed it in Kim's last evaluation. Of course, Anna did not write "You overthink shit, Kim" in the eval, but there was discussion of  "taking too much time to come to an appropriate decision." Maybe she had sugarcoated it. She was going to have to rectify that quickly.

"Kim, you overthink shit in a crisis."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"This is not the time to be considering the dignity and worth of the person..."

"Well, I think this could be argued as a social justice issue..."

"No! No arguing, Kim. Those are no longer oppressed and vulnerable people. They are no longer your clients. We cannot think of them as human being who have inherent dignity and worth. Those are motherfucking zombies, and what they want is to eat your brains. We are not going to let that happen, okay? You and Jake and I are going to secure the shit out of this place, and then we are going to figure out, quickly, how we are going to the hell out of here!"

Anna was aware that she was swearing too damn much. It was going to be a swearing kind of day.

heidi
drafted June 4, 2012

Submitted for dVerse OpenLinkNight: Week 83, which I hope is okay because it isn't poetry, but, with the exception of "how i met rachel" my posts over the last week have been damn depressing and I was in the mood for something funny. I also am very interested in critiques because I want to go a little further with this, but, it kind of ends for me here. I have left the few notes I wrote trying to get the story straight, and they are why I think that there is another story along these lines. Also it includes my favorite things, social workers and zombies. How kick ass would that story be?

Notes:
Zombies attacking social service office.
Client zombified.
Social Worker worries about ethical consequences of killing zombies (dignity and worth of the person).
Supervisor trying to help social worker through crisis while trying to not get brains eaten.