Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Appointments, Abandonment, and Other "A" Words

Appointments, Abandonment, and Other "A" Words

She was a young married woman
who had four babies and it
was the 1920's in Alabama.

Then there was to be a fifth
when there was no way to take care of
a fifth.

And so
the secret arrangements were made
and the appointment kept

And today in 2013
everyone who was there is now dead
but she died then because of what they did to her

So there were four little babies who
were to grow up without a mama,
and soon without a dad

One was my grandmother
who was seven when her mama died
and who felt abandoned

When she died almost eighty years later
with most of her memories gone
she was still an abandoned little girl

But before then she had my dad and there was
always something there between them that
is also between him and me...an absence

There are lots of angry arguments
that sound like
I'm right, you're wrong

And I have no answers
but there are a few things
that I know.

I know that medical decisions happen
everyday that mean one person lives
and one person dies.

There are even more political decisions
that mean one person lives
and another person dies.

And, it would have been nice for there to have been
some sort of happier ending to her

But I don't ever think
I wish I could have known the person that may have been...

I do wish that I could have known my great-grandma.

written 4/13/13

I am still having some computer/internet hiccups. When everything sorts itself out, I will return comments and return visits. Thanks for being so understanding.


  1. Again, I will say how touching this was.

    1. thank you Andrea! this one was hard to write.

  2. This was very touching and sad. It was also very beautifully written. My grandmother had a very traumatic past I have only heard pieces and its traumatic just hear about it. My mom once attempted contact my grandmothers only surviving niece to learn a bit more about her mother and the woman became absolutely hysterical, irreconcilable she couldn't even speak of it. My grandmother had a sister who was evil and that sister had children one from rape and one the niece I mentioned. She locked that girl in a room and never let her out, never spoke to her, played with her, slipped tiny amounts of food into the room sometimes my grandmother called the police and the child was taken away but I do not know how long the child had to suffer. Oh how my grandmother hated her sister. My grandmother was very tormented by her past she saw demons, had violent mood swings, showed signs of psychopathy and became at times very dangerous but other times she was wonderful, loving, funny when she developed Dementia she lost the duality and became very pleasant, peaceful, even sociable, the demons went away too. Losing her memories seemed to bring real relief.

    1. I am glad that this poem touched you. thank you for your kind support and for sharing your story.

    2. I am glad that this poem touched you. thank you for your kind support and for sharing your story.

  3. There is a heaviness here, Heidi. Creatively said, but still somber, like an attempt to explain the hurt of 'absence.' Much pain comes from our projection of how things ought to have been (how they could be). We hope for so much.

    1. thank you. this is one of my favorites. i like the poems that have a story in it.

  4. I wanted to let you know the new prompt was up if you are interested, you are so incredibly talented I feel I need to tell you that again after seeing this poem a second time =)

    1. okay, so now i'm blushing! thank you! :}

  5. This is stark and raw. I liked the writing. The story is sad, but real life often is.

  6. This was beautiful and poignant. Great details, especially how such early events can have lifetime repercussions.

  7. Your words are simultaneously eloquent, heavy, and creatively sparse. You are incredibly talented to draw so much from such a profoundly sad tale.

    1. Hi Bizza! I'm blushing, thank you!

  8. This is painful and I feel between the spaces the emptiness you feel from never knowing her. A beautifully written piece!

  9. This was an amazing write - so sad, broke my heart.


Hi! Thank you for the visit! Grab a plate and a sweet tea and let's dig in. It may take a while, but I always try to reply and return visits.