NaPoWriMo Day Thirty: Grateful Goodbye

forever there are
two people alive today because
of your love

heidi
written 4/30/14 for


and in memory of Ruth Bennett and John Servati



 

Cut and Paste: An Experiment in Gender-Flipping.

We break away from Poetry Month for this little essay (well, non-fiction, prose blog post?)

Last night, while waiting out the tornados, I was browsing Twitter I read these posts by Marni Bates (@MarniBates).



I Instagrammed it. My screenshot's not working.

And it got me thinking about gender-flipping, and Caitlin Walsh's article. I thought it might be kind of funny and thought-provoking to take an article about Keira Knightley and another one about George Clooney and swap their names and pronouns.  And I have spent a long, frustrating, and humor-killing day and have decided to just go with a googling of headlines and google auto-fills.

So, if George Clooney's Google page looked like Keira Knightley's, the first link would be

News/ George Clooney Shows Off That Tiny Waist, Sums Up His First Year of Marriage to James Righton

 

I wonder if he does pilates?

That news headline is followed by

 

Adam Levine makes movie acting debut, George Clooney sings in ‘Begin Again’

Wait, am I looking up Adam Levine or George Clooney?

And the third link

 

George Clooney's New Signature Style Is Kind Of Odd

 

Free dresses from Chanel, George? You're so quirky!

and as for searches?

 

Searches related to george clooney

george clooney plastic surgery

george clooney weight

george clooney pictures

george clooney tumblr

george clooney cartoon

george clooney wedding dress

george clooney widgets

george clooney lens


What does he do for a living now?

So what would happen if Keira Knightley had George Clooney's page?

Keira Knightley finally meets her match with human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin

 

Oh. My God!  I was sure Keira was a confirmed old maid! What made her change her mind?

The second news headline is

5 Things to Know About Keira Knightley's Fiancee Amal Alamuddin

What does she have that I don't have?

I wonder what the third news headline could be about?

Keira Knightley's Engagement Confirmed by Amal Alamuddin's Law Firm

Okay, that's just weird. And hey! Keira Knightley got engaged! Who snared her?


let's see the searches

Searches related to keira knightley

keira knightley steve wynn

keira knightley getting married

keira knightley stacy keibler

keira knightley girlfriend

keira knightley net worth

keira knightley movies list

keira knightley dating

keira knightley tequila

 

You know, Keira Knightley's serial monogamy is strangely alluring, and look! She makes movies!

 

 

So, I want to thank Marni Bates for the cool idea and for being gracious with me wanting to explore it further. Y'all check her out on Twitter @MarniBates!  Also click the link above for Caitlin Walsh's cool article!

 

heidi

written 4/29/14

 

 

 

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Nine: An Open Apology to My Friend Bone for Ignoring Our Words With Friends Game This Month

Dear Bone,

I know that
this seems like I'm pouting
for another loss

And it is
more than fair for you
to think that

But I promise
I've been doing the poem
a day thing

and that has
taken the total of my
daily word allotment

it has absolutlely
nothing to do with the
fact that I

have not drawn
one single mother fucking consonent
or that I

have lost the
last six stupid mother fucking
games we've played

it's the poem
thing, the daily poem thing
well documented here

So I hope
that you will accept my
most sincere apologies

and seriously I'm
NOT POUTING! I've grown since
the last time.

Fine, be that
way then. I really tried.
You read it.

There is no
pleasing some people. Always jumping
to wrong conclusions.

So...sorry...okay?
Just you wait mister, May
First...you're toast.

heidi
written 4/29/14 for my friend, Bone and for



I have been a very negligent WWF buddy this month. I hope Bone will forgive me. You would, right? Come on, a multiple Collum Lune apology? Of course you would.

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Eight: Agency

 young girls think
of sex as something that's
 "done to them"

heidi
written 4/28/14 for


Today's prompt was to take a poem from a news article. I did change "that is" from the article to "that's" so that it would fit the Collum Lune form, but this sentence stuck with me.  This is from Julianne Ross's PolicyMic article 17 Lies We Need to Stop Teaching Girls About Sex. Click the title to link to the article. It is very well written and makes excellent points. 

 

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Seven: Picture Prompt

from NaPoWriMo

he said that
he would be right back
maybe he lied

heidi
written 4/27/14 for



Today we have a picture prompt!

 

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Six: Joy

Special Olympics

Kecie Erby, 10, competes in the long jump for Woodland Forrest Elementary School during the Tuscaloosa Area Track and Field Meet for Special Olympics hosted at Central High School Friday, April 25, 2014. Kecie won first place in the event. 130 athletes on 15 teams from Tuscaloosa County and City as well as Pickens County participated in a variety of events. Michelle Lepianka Carter | The Tuscaloosa News
Tuscaloosa News

 

 

 

the Joy in 

doing your best and cheering

for your friends

heidi

written 4/26/14 for my sweet girl and her friends and for

I had never intended to share pictures of my kids or as much about me as I have, but the life happens. And how selfish would I be not to share the awesomeness of my sweetie-pies with the world. My girl is the blonde in the background cheering for her friend Kecie. She gets to compete in two years. I am so proud.

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Five: Rock Me

(to the tune of Falco's Rock Me Amadeus)

heidi helmer heidi helmer

heidi helmer

heidi helmer heidi helmer

heidi helmer

heidi helmer heidi helmer

whoa ho ho heidi helmer

heidi

written 4/25/14 for

Okay, so, yes, I used to sing this in high school, and it's not the most original, and technically not even new for me, but today's prompt is anaphora, and I just did the dVerse prompt too and it made me mad and I wanted something to make me laugh and it's my blog anyway, so I can do what I want.

Now, who wants to rock out to some Falco? \m/

Asshat

drawing by heidi helmer

"I want to tell you 
   one 
       more 
            thing 
                  I 
                  know 
about the Negro," 

Said the wizened old white supremacy hero
While dancing to sedition's  deniro
Complaining about welfare to the news joe
While never paying what he does owe
Spewing racism like a schmo
As a human being he's a straight-up zero
In the end we reap what we sow.

heidi
written 4/24/14 for dVerse

In his post, Bjorn teaches us about  Dagsvers and encourages us to write about a current event without metaphor or softening the edges, and maybe add a little picture.

Yep.

So this is what I wrote. You may have heard of this guy, or maybe you recognize him in my fine drawing.

And I am completely terrified to post this.

Like y'all didn't know my politics were a little  left of the middle anyway.

And just yesterday, someone complimented me about how non-judgemental I was. :)

but seriously, this guy is an asshat


(I'm going to go try to write a poem using anaphora for NaPoWriMo now.)

#NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Four: Affirmation for a Mom Who Prefers Easy

remember that the
little things
are the most special.

heidi
written 4/24/14 for


Happy Poem In Your Pocket Day! I am going to put this overly sentimental Kelly Lune in my pocket today.  We had one of those mornings where having a little kid in a good/silly mood is more frustrating than a little kid in a bad mood.  Silly moods are good, but not always easy. My fatal flaw is that I am a fan of easy. There could be an epic poem in that, but...it sounds too hard.


 

NaPoWriMo Day Twenty-Three: When We Arrived in Hilo

one afternoon we
watched "Jaws 2" on cable TV
our perfect honeymoon

heidi
written 4/23/14 for


I miss Hilo.

Remember tonight is World Book Night! Have you read Agatha Christie lately? Now would be a good time!