My creative process described in one word?
Inertia.
I am using NaPoWriMo to make me write the words, but writing the words
Fertilizes
The womb of my imagination and now I have all of these ideas for stories and methods and videos and techniques and poems and...
Depression
says, Meh. This is too much, can you imagine the research you would have to do and research is always boring (because depression is a lying liar that lies to me) and the editing? You are a first draft person if that...
Inertia.
I want writing to be fun and I want to show off that I can be damn funny and I am smart and I really want you to pay attention to me, but I have no idea if any of this is good or bad or mediocre or worth any of the time it takes to write much less read and is it worth the compulsive checking and checking and checking to see if anyone is reading or reacting or replying when Depression says, be careful what you wish for and why would anybody read me when I don't read anyone else anymore because everything is too much and Depression says it's okay ot's all okay you'll feel better if you just stay
inert.
h.
written: 4/6/18 for NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo
Okay. So I started earlier today so that I would at least consider the prompt if it contained more that two steps and look what I got. We are writing a poem using line breaks that are outside of our comfort zone. I like small little lines, as evidenced by all the Collom Lunes, so the long lines really brought out something true and dark and deeper than I have written in a while. I think I am going to send a link to my mental health professional. Hi Melissa! :)
Inertia.
I am using NaPoWriMo to make me write the words, but writing the words
Fertilizes
The womb of my imagination and now I have all of these ideas for stories and methods and videos and techniques and poems and...
Depression
says, Meh. This is too much, can you imagine the research you would have to do and research is always boring (because depression is a lying liar that lies to me) and the editing? You are a first draft person if that...
Inertia.
I want writing to be fun and I want to show off that I can be damn funny and I am smart and I really want you to pay attention to me, but I have no idea if any of this is good or bad or mediocre or worth any of the time it takes to write much less read and is it worth the compulsive checking and checking and checking to see if anyone is reading or reacting or replying when Depression says, be careful what you wish for and why would anybody read me when I don't read anyone else anymore because everything is too much and Depression says it's okay ot's all okay you'll feel better if you just stay
inert.
h.
written: 4/6/18 for NaPoWriMo/GloPoWriMo
Okay. So I started earlier today so that I would at least consider the prompt if it contained more that two steps and look what I got. We are writing a poem using line breaks that are outside of our comfort zone. I like small little lines, as evidenced by all the Collom Lunes, so the long lines really brought out something true and dark and deeper than I have written in a while. I think I am going to send a link to my mental health professional. Hi Melissa! :)
Depression is a lying jerk. You got this!
ReplyDeleteI'm still reading you... sadly, I'm also depressed... not to mention exhausted from the new job.
Just do what you can, and don't get too down on yourself. I hear you.
Bizza is right - depression is a lying jerk, determined to be in control. You are delicious Heidi! You are wonderfully humourous and obviously smart. I love reading your words.
ReplyDeleteKeep on winning - your words here proove you are fighting back.
Love and hugs
Anna :o]