 |
| Meal Beach, Burra Isles, Shetland by Robin Gosnall |
Waves
Anxious
and depressed the
waves wash through me. The lie
"I'm okay" sparkles on my face
like sun.
heidi
written 3/12/13 for The Mag 159
I've been practicing cinquains on Twitter and most of them are more statements than poems. I'm still working on whatever it is that separates poetry from pose*...what is that? My poetic voice? Maybe I'm a little too much in my head right now.
*okay, so a few hours later, i come back to reread this and see that i wrote "pose" instead of "prose". i thought about just editing it, but then wondered if it was a freudian slip, or is it that my "r" is not wanting to work?
This definitely peaks my interest. Waves of...? The lie? The sunny smile? You have to tell us more Heidi...
ReplyDeletesmiles...
Hey Ninotaziz!
DeleteHmmmm...These are good questions, and I'm not sure how to answer them because I thought that they were already answered in the poem. I need to think about this some.( I have also added an Audioboo recording, if you're interested.)
So I gave it a couple of days and then went back and reread it and listened to it again. My intention was that the waves were the depression and anxiety and the lie was "I'm okay". Do you see the need for more to be in the poem or as a follow-up?
DeletePeaks my interest too Heidi.
ReplyDeleteDidn't notice the pose until pointed out (read it as prose - how we see what we expect to see...).
Anna :o]
Hey Anna!
DeleteThis is kind of cool. Both you and Ninotaziz have questions, which I wasn't anticipating. I am going to have to think about this poem some more. ( I also added an Audioboo recording of the poem in case you're interested.)
Beautifully done..maybe some lies..repeated enough like waves..become to sound like truth..
ReplyDeleteHi Jae! Thank you. That is an interesting idea that repetition makes lies sound true. With bad lies I think we want to then fulfill them, I wonder if we could do the reverse? Lie ourselves into being okay?
DeleteWonderful merging of subject and object, gday !
ReplyDeleteThank you Kutamun! It tuned out darker than I had expected, but that's good too. I'm glad you liked it.
DeleteVery thought provoking it feels it rises from your heart, a place begging to release it's barest feelings! Straight from your poet's heart!
ReplyDeleteThank you Karen! So glad to see you here. This one was hard to write, but it wrote fast. So happy that you liked it.
DeleteHope the lie soon becomes truth...
ReplyDeleteThanks Tess, and thanks for the beautiful prompt. I look forward to them on Sundays.
DeleteQuite a nice twist to this lovely image!
ReplyDeleteThank you Margaret. Welcome to the lasagna, I'm glad you liked it.
Delete