you interrupt me
mid-sentence
to say you are going to bed
now
and then talk for
ten
more
minutes
leaving me the
butt
of some joke
that I get
and is never funny.
with each
rejection
you insert both hands
into
my chest
removing my
beating
heart
to stare at
before
casually tossing it to the ground
walking away
as I scramble to
stuff
it
back
in.
heidi
written 12/3/13
edit 12/14/13
you bastard.
mid-sentence
to say you are going to bed
now
and then talk for
ten
more
minutes
leaving me the
butt
of some joke
that I get
and is never funny.
with each
rejection
you insert both hands
into
my chest
removing my
beating
heart
to stare at
before
casually tossing it to the ground
walking away
as I scramble to
stuff
it
back
in.
heidi
written 12/3/13
edit 12/14/13
you bastard.
Put back the "you bastard". It emphasizes that you've kept it all civilized until that point. I think it's excellent and I know who Mrs. Roper is. Hope you're not as sexually deprived as your namesake.
ReplyDeleteI'd include it. The bastard! I really like your relationshippy poems
ReplyDeleteThanks Bone! They seem to be the easiest ones to write and the hardest ones to post.
DeleteEither way works great, though I like it better without the "you bastard". I don't think Mrs. Roper would give Stanley the satisfaction whenever possible.
ReplyDeleteI do like it both ways though. Added, the tone is sad and bitter; without it, the tone is melancholy, but resigned. It all depends on which tone you'd like to set.
Hey Bizza! I have no idea what tone I want to set. I think that I am leaning towards erasing the question and just leaving the "you bastard".
DeleteOh I do so like the "you bastard" Heidi - an excellent and fitting close.
ReplyDeleteBe assured - that in defence of you - I will punch his lights out!
Love and stuff.
Anna :o]
Hey sweet Anna! I'll take a raincheck on the punch. Love and stuff back at you!
Deletei think you don't need the word bastard in the poem cause when i came to the end of the last line i thought.... goodness...what a xxxx and everyone will insert their own words... just my two cents...smiles
ReplyDeleteHey Claudia! I am all eaten up with curiosity as to what your x's were. This is really kind of cool how differently people are reacting to that ending.
Deletei dont think you need it honestly...because i think by the end we are def all thinking it...
ReplyDeletewhat an asshat
Hey Brian. Asshat is one of my favorite words.
DeleteBrave writing Heidi! He my well deserve it I should think! Nicely!
ReplyDeleteHank
Thanks Hank!
DeleteSounds like you want to zing him with "bastard," your emotions responding...but I don't think the poem needs to say that...readers have come to that conclusion on their own...
ReplyDeleteeither way, this is a write I enjoyed reading every time.
Thank you! I think I am going to just leave it as my comment and take away the question.
Delete