Friday, July 12, 2013

Riptide



swirling in the sway of the silver eddies
swept along sideways-submerged and then surfacing
gasping  gulps of air gorging breath
before being caught below again.

the riptide rages not it will release you
when you relax when you surrender, when you swim
parallel to the peaceful shore paddling to the edge
then safely to the sand surviving  again.

heidi
written 7/12/13
submitted to dVerse Form For All 7/12/13

Tony discusses accentual-alliteration in this dVerse prompt. I like alliteration, so this was an exciting prompt for me. My early poetry was almost always all alliteration (see how easy it is to get caught up in it?) and this is reminiscent of some of those earlier writings (you can see Eros for an example.) This was a little tricky for me and I think I took some liberties with it, but I think it's a form I'd like to try again.

25 comments:

  1. nice....we will drown ourselves oft fighting against the natural flow of things,,,in letting go and using its own energy we get there....smiles...you work allit well...and hey whats a few liberties between friends...smiles.

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    1. good morning brian! i try not to take too many liberties, but i seem to do it more with form. sometimes i am not good with rules. ironic, since this could be about following the rules of nature and surviving. that is going to send me into an uncomfortable though spiral...

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  2. Awesome. I love alliteration.

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    1. thanks ally! alliteration is so much fun to write and read. i think it's kind of sexy. have you tried writing poetry? i think you would be good at it. oh and my poem, "Ally" is my most viewed post ever, FYI :-)

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  3. Go with the flow--your poem is beautiful on the tongue

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    1. thank you! i am blushing. thanks for the visit this morning.

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  4. wow.. the first line just caught me in those swirl.. there are some really excellent lines too. It's a type of poetry you feel an urge to read loud....

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    1. thank you bjorn! (i can't find the umlaut) i think it's the alliteration that makes you want to read it aloud. it has that affect on me.

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  5. love the sea images....cool allits and all the paddling and things....much like life..

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    1. hi claudia! thank you, the form felt like waves to me, and made me think about riptides.

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  6. When you go with the flow ...:)

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    1. Welcome to the lasagna, Tigerbrite! I think I want to go swimming now.

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  7. Great job, Heidi. For me, one of the benefits of this form is that it allows you to spread the alliteration out a bit, which makes it less overpowering than it can be at times.

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    1. Thank you, Tony, and thanks for teaching accentual-alliteration. I have a new perspective to add to my notebook.

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  8. Replies
    1. and surprisingly comfortable for that nap that happens when you make your way out of a riptide.

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  9. One can go outwardly free with allit. And you've done it very well Heidi! Good that you adopted a stand of not being restricted. It makes it more challenging. Wonderful take Ma'am!

    Hank

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  10. oh, this is beautiful, Heidi -
    "gasping gulps of air gorging breath
    before being caught below again"
    loved this part... it is so often that we struggle.
    beautifully crafted poem.
    ~Miriam

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    1. thank you Miriam! This began as a metaphor for depression, but I like riptides and I don't like depression, so the second stanza is a little more hopeful than I had originally anticipated. i think the first stanza is a little more in line with my original thoughts. I am glad that you liked it.

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  11. I love love alliteration and you have done an amazing job I agree wholeheartedly that this poem is a pleasure to read out loud. Wow fantastic Heidi =)

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    1. thanks mlm! i need to catch up on my audioboo.

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  12. Oh, good job on the form. I read dVerse, but was 6 minutes too late to link up, lol. But even without reading about the Bang, Bang, Bang, Crash this is great!

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    1. thank you mary! the expirations on those linkies can be tricky. i like to get inspirations about 10 minutes before they go down.

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  13. Great alliteration and I like the change in emphasis from the first stanza to the second. Very nice.

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