Friday, July 19, 2013

What the Moon Will Do To You

 heartbreak

his words were neutral
echoing
harsh intent-goodbye.

heidi
kelly lune
written 7/19/13 for dVerse Mix and Match


 aftermath

his name echos
through the chambers of my
lonely broken heart

heidi
collum lune
written 7/19/13


Tony collected links to two years of dVerse Meeting the Bar and Form For All and suggested that we explore one that we missed. How fucking exciting, y'all! Seriously, if you want to learn about writing poetry, this a one stop shop. The contributors who wrote the original posts are fabulous. Check it out.

I chose Samuel's lesson on lunes and I am so happy that I did. I see more lune tweets, they may even put a dent in some of my cinquains (y'all know I like a short form.)

26 comments:

  1. nice...i like the second one for its straightforwardness...it lets the emotion work...the first has a cool contrast between the neutral and harsh...well done on these...

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    1. Thank you Brian! I loved these forms. I am still trying to make it a go to for my Twitter poems, but I have been distracted by hashtags, and cinquains have become a Twitter default for me.

      I have put these together sort of as one poem under one title, but I am still not sure if they are two stanzas of one poem, or companion pieces or what?

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  2. "his words were neutral" - ouch! And your second is poignant as well. I like short form too!

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    1. I love the challenge of a short form and it seems to be a better fit for my attention span. The line you chose was difficult for me to figure out, but I like that it is ouchy, and I get a feeling similar to figuring out a puzzle when I get the message across.

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  3. I enjoyed both, but the first really packs a punch. Those neutral words can be cruel, even more so than outright rejection. Excellent work on both!

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    1. Thanks, Nico! I think I would rather have some value and emotion to the words as well.

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  4. lovely.. I particularly liked the first one, for its simplicity and tenderness.

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    1. Hi howanxious! Thank you for the visit. This is an awesome form.

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  5. Nothing like a short form to crystallise a feeling. Well done!

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    1. Thank you, Cressida! I think crystallise is the perfect word.

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  6. I love the lunes too Heidi! Samuel's articles make me want to try so many forms.

    These lunes of yours are truly romantic and lovely. Heartbreaking - but still so emotive.

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    1. Hi Ninot! I really respond to the way that Samuel teaches in his writing. I have been looking through past posts from the list Tony compiled, and I have found myself thinking, "I want to write that" to the forms he introduces most often. I think they were shorter forms as well. I am glad that you liked the poems and thanks for stopping by.

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  7. Your writing is always so sharp, so distilled and effective.

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  8. ...his words were neutral...is so threatening Heidi and quite brilliant!!thankyou for popping over to my post today.

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    1. Hi Gerry! I have had computer issues all summer, but I wanted to say thanks for stopping by. I enjoyed visiting your blog. I hadn't thought about that line being threatening, but it is, isn't it? (as for brilliant...I'm just going to blush now.)

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  9. Oh Heidi brilliant that first one wow! You have conveyed so much in so few lines I absolutely love them

    The new prompt is up =)

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    1. Thank you! I am coming over an visiting your prompts and catching up on visits before my computer gets sick again.

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  10. these are both very sharp. You are extremely skilled, especially with forms that call for brevity.

    I will have to try to play wit4h these forms.

    (escuse the typos... broken finger)

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    1. Thank you! I would love to read what you create with this form. If you are looking for a good refresher for the form, click "lunes" above in my commentary. It will take you to Samuel Peralta's tutorial for dVerse. They also have some other cool prompts and an open link night if you are interested. I hope the finger gets better sooner rather than later.

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  11. Echoes through the lonely chambers of my heart...beautiful poignant and painful words. Must go find the link to see the definitions. I like short poetry too. Hope your finger is healing!

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    1. Hi Maggie Grace! Thank you for stopping by. If you click the word "lunes" above it will take you to Samuel's tutorial. It you click on "dVerse" it will take you to Tony's post that lists various articles about forms and ideas. I am glad that you liked my poems.

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  12. Excellent Heidi. I remember those broken heart times of my younger years...
    Anna :o]

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Hi! Thank you for the visit! Grab a plate and a sweet tea and let's dig in. It may take a while, but I always try to reply and return visits.