Saturday, February 9, 2013

dVerse Poetics: The Art of Letting Go Submission: Last Love Letter

Last Love Letter

My cousin was a year older.
He was the second grandchild.
He was the younger brother
I was the first granddaughter.
 
My cousin lived three hours away.
I saw him and his brother
only some weekends. Two or three a year.
He was a sweet, quiet baby.
 
 
When I was six, I wrote him love letters
on scrap paper.
 
When I was ten, he taught my brother
how to turn his eyelids inside out
that made me run screaming.
We played baseball with socks wrapped in electrical tape.
 
I privately competed against him.
 
He was a funny, reserved, young man.
He once wanted to be a store Santa
because young women liked to sit
in Santa's lap for a picture.
 
When I was twenty-six, he died.
and I forgot everything but the pain.
and a vigilante hummingbird.
 
I forgot his smile.
I forgot his laugh.
I forgot his wit.
I forgot his love for his nephew.
 
I forgot.
 
I would have traded anything to have
him back.
To hug him the last time I saw him.
To Tell Him I Loved Him.
 
And I cried
cried
cried
cried
cried
 
Tonight I found some pictures.
 
And I remembered:
 
How he was sweet
How he loved his nephew
How he was funny
His desire to be Santa
My notes
Baseball
The woods
Football
Hawaiian Punch
Hot Chocolate
Puddings
Hide and Seek
His eyelids
His smile
Him.
 
and i cried.
 
heidi
originally written:3/13/97


I am reposting this for the dVerse prompt Poetics: The Art of Letting Go. Claudia challenges us to write about the art of letting go, which made me think of this poem. Writing it after he died was a way for me to let go of the hope that he would return home and we would find out that his death was an elaborate hoax (although maybe not totally...I still sometimes think I see him on the street.) So, for my sweet Ronnie and for your consideration...

22 comments:

  1. This is heart wrenching....to let go, to forget and finally to remember all the times you have shared, his memories will live as long as you remember him ~

    Thanks for the love share, it made me teary eyed ~

    I must say though that you blog title makes me think of food ~ Smiles ~

    Grace

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    1. Thank you Grace. It's been a whilke, but it still gets to me.

      The title of my blog is from a time years ago when Hungry Howie's was new to Mobile, AL. They had this bread that was as big as their entrees. The first time i took my friend Gary there to eat, he looked at the bread and said "It's bigger than a lasagna!" I completely cracked up (because I am easily amused and it has come to represent) to me, everyday things that are unexpectedly funny. I had originally thought that I would be posting funnier things that I have, so the name doesn't quite fit. The very sad thing is that I can't even say, "Oh you had to be there," because I think it was really only funny to me. (but seriously, "A lasagna?!" who says "a lasagna" when talking about a single serving? Still makes me giggle.)Yeah, now I'm hungry. And Hungry Howie's doesn't even make the large bread anymore.

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  2. oh this jerks my heart strings....to lose one so young is hard enough...him being so close...i bet that was a flood of emotion...remember the good things...like you have...we never know how long we have you know...hugs...

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    1. Thank you Brian. This is one of my favorites.

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  3. *sigh* So sad. I've lost many friends and family members, some at early ages, so I grasp your grief. Poignant poem.

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    1. Thank you! I am glad that it spoke to you.

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  4. this evokes not only pain but also loneliness

    prima donna cat fight

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    1. Thank you, Zongrik. I hadn't read it as lonely before. I was cool to go back and reread it from that perspective.

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  5. ...a most heart breaking offering i read today... it reminds me of a sad love poem by Pablo Neruda where he states lines about how love can be so short while to forget is so long... i can feel the whole sincerity in this... thank you for sharing it... and though tough...you managed to make it... smiles...

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    1. Thank you Kelvin! I am going to have to check out Pablo Neruda. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  6. oh heidi...a really deeply moving write..so sorry you lost him so early.. but so glad that the memory came back..all the little details that make a person and our relationship to them so special.. had to smile at the turning the eyelids inside out..ha..boys..smiles

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    1. Thank you Claudia. I liked this prompt. I can also still see his eyelids...he had really long eyelashes that just made it that much more gross...and after I gag a little, I have to laugh a little too. Boys are wonderful.

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  7. Wonderful ~ moving ~ nice response to a great prompt

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  8. A stunningly beautiful poem, Heidi. Deeply sad and yet celebratory too. I know this feeling all too well.

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    1. Thank you Charles. I am glad that the celebration of him came out too. He was a very sweet man.

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  9. Aww... may the sweet memories always fill your life with love, like the hummingbird.

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  10. Thanks for coming by my blog and commenting, Heidi. This just about broke my heart, then mended it again. Funny how people seem to us as the years pass... Thanks again and I'll be back! Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2013/02/12/lion-hearted-man-rip-marques-bovre/

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    1. Thanks Amy! I'm glad this touched you. Please come back anytime.

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